On my daily walk to Taco Bell for some authentic Mexican food I saw some Halloween decorations and my stomach just about turned. We're well into November and people still have their Halloween stuff up. I wanted to knock on that fool's door and inform them that the time has passed and it was time to move on. I was just about ready to make a course correction towards that offender's house when I had an epiphany:
People are like old holiday decorations, they need to be cut down.
I thought it was a brilliant metaphor and I just couldn't stop smiling while I was eating my soggy nachos and stuffing down a few soft shell tacos for 99 cents. When people get a little uppity on you and they need to learn their place, just cut them down with an attack on their personal character or bring up a huge character flaw. If they honestly don't have a devastating weakness, make one up. They'll believe you.
You can't let people just hang all high when their time has past. Just like you wouldn't let your Christmas lights hang past mid-January. Cut those suckers down. It's for the best. Your fellow man will thank you for humbling the world's proud and arrogant. You will be doing a great service to humanity.
The best thing about cutting people down like old holiday decorations is you feel better about yourself and that's what the holidays are all about.
Your Festive Servant,
Uncle Tom
No comments:
Post a Comment