King Henry: Where the Girls are Girls and the Guys are too

Where can I turn for peace? Where can I turn for some intelligent people with correct political thinking? The search for such a place still continues. I thought that a move away from the hellhole called Roman Gardens would afford me a chance to at least associate with folks who know a good candidate campaign sign when they see one. But I guess this is just more proof of what I already knew... people in general are dumb.

I moved into King Henry Apartments this week and I was absolutely horrified with what I saw. This place is no more than a colony of male nudity and wanna-be Senator's sons. I really am not sure what I was expecting but anything has got to be better than six shirtless jabronis attempting to play sand volleyball while oiling each other up with coco butter for girls who are Daddy's little princesses.

King Henry Apartments has all the feel of a country club but none of the actual accomplishment. The feeling of a grown man living in his parent's basement rends the air. There is that constant notion of party, social debauchery, entitlement, and immaturity everywhere you go on the premises of the aforementioned place.

The only thing which gets me through the few conscious hours which I spend here is the hope that one day Miss Butter-biscuits will appear in a blaze of beauty and elegance and rescue me from this bad dream of a canceled MTV reality show.

Your Sickened Servant,
Uncle Tom

Adam Winchester: God-Fearing Patriot or Closet Communist?

While out shuffling through the vast wasteland of the internet, but more specially the social pool of intellectual decay Facebook, I came across this piece of fine literature. It was written by one of the greatest Americans of this generation. I would like to break it down in order to understand the man behind the majesty.

My name is Adam Miller Winchester. I grew up in Idaho and plan on settling down there. I enjoy many things such as a good game of baseball, a trip to the mountains and listening to country music. I enjoy intellectual conversations, that stimulate the mind and cause you to think. I love working in agriculture and teaching people new things. I admire women and find them fascinating. Nothing beats a hard days work and the sense of accomplishment it brings. I feel people need to progress and take pride in whatever it is they do. I find that self mastery is the quickest way to happiness and self respect. This world is about overcoming oneself and thinking of others, serving them and reaching goals. The three most important things in existence are the God you worship, the family you belong to, and the nation of which you are a part. Good friends are the quickest way to success and one should surround himself with successful people to be successful themselves. Love and caring exceed all else. I speak Armenian and am learning Spanish. I can play a bit on the guitar.

My name is Adam Miller Winchester. I grew up in Idaho and plan on settling down there. I enjoy many things such as a good game of baseball, a trip to the mountains and listening to country music.
This snippet from his magnum opus makes me believe he is a true American. His name just sounds as American as a name originally from the depths of England can. He hails from Idaho which is undoubtedly the most American state there is and it is too great to litter. Not only does he love baseball and the mountains but he loves baseball games in the mountains.

I enjoy intellectual conversations, that stimulate the mind and cause you to think.
This is pure communist fodder. It is common knowledge that communists relish intellectual conversation which stimulates the mind. This is strong evidence that Winchester is a closet communist. A true American is a capitalist at heart and has no time for intellectual conversation because he is too busy making money. If he eventually come out of the closet you can say that you read it here first.

I admire women and find them fascinating.
To adequately discuss this line from the Great Bio would require an entire blog all its own. Maybe someday in the future.

Nothing beats a hard days work and the sense of accomplishment it brings. I feel people need to progress and take pride in whatever it is they do. I find that self mastery is the quickest way to happiness and self respect. This world is about overcoming oneself and thinking of others, serving them and reaching goals.
I'm not an expert on communism like Winchester but I'm pretty sure this is a direct quote from Lenin himself. It surprises me greatly that no freedom loving American has called him out on his communist tendencies before today but I guess that's why you have Uncle Tom. I'm far too intelligent to be bamboozled and have the wool pulled over my eyes by this hypocrite of the worst manner.

The three most important things in existence are the God you worship, the family you belong to, and the nation of which you are a part.
This is just a cover-up for his communist sentiments. It's like a gay guy dating a girl to hide the fact that he is flaming.

Good friends are the quickest way to success and one should surround himself with successful people to be successful themselves.
What he means to say is, "Good communist friends are the quickest way to success and one should surround himself with communist people to be communist themselves."

I speak Armenian...
For your consideration, Armenian is a language spoken in a former communist country. Just saying

I have provided you the facts dear reader and now I leave it to you to decide if Adam Winchester is a communist. VOTE NOW!

Back from the Dead

There have been some vicious rumors floating around that I had died or was assassinated but to the personal chagrin of my enemies and many of my friends and family, I am more alive than ever. I took a little bit of a vacation from the blogging but now I'm back with a vengeance to rain down furry and hellfire on the civilized world once more. I am like Lazarus, the Ghost of Christmas future and a mind devouring zombie all rolled into one sleek and sexy package. I hope the ignorant masses are ready to come back from their summer vacation of disillusionment.

You thought you could get rid of old Uncle Tom that easily? How foolish.

Your Rejuvenated Servant,
Uncle Tom